Understanding

I just viewed a video on YouTube from a young woman I have seen there often. In a nutshell she lost her Mom 7 years ago but she still feels her presence in a particular way.  I want to say that what we go through when we lose someone we love is going to be different per individual. There is no right or wrong way to handle that experience.

My Mom's physical presence left here in November of 2010.  I remember not crying as much as I thought I would that night. I remember feeling like I was outside watching everything as if it was happening to someone else.  It wasn't until after the ceremony that I really started to feel the loss of her.  As each day went by, and continues to go by, the lack of my contact with her physical shell becomes more and more noticeable. I think that living such a tactile life makes the process of coping with losing someone harder. Not being able to hear and touch someone increases the feeling of that loss. The lack of physical interaction is difficult for us. We forget that we are all spirits living in a shell and that the loss of the body is not the loss of the person. There spirit still lives on.

As I have been growing my spiritual understanding I have a better understanding of how I process my Mom's death.  I realized that I never stopped feeling her presence in my life because her spirit didn't die.  For me it was, and still is to some degree, as if she has never left.  I don't hear her voice anymore and her laughter is missed but I continue to feel her presence. I believe that she still lives, only without the restraints of the body that broke down on her. She is free now and still with those of us that want and need to feel our special connection to her.

I know that not everyone will feel or think the same way that I do about this and that's okay. They are not suppose to. After all, this if MY process not theirs. As individuals we are not designed to feel and think the same way about everything.

I know that I will continue to miss my Mom's physical presence but the pain of lack is softened by knowing that she is only as far away as my heart will let her be. Please believe, that aint far. Love you Mom.